My most awkward thing so far is kissing. I was all brushed teeth and chewing those super concentrated Certs mints that they don't even make anymore, and she had her prom hair smelled like sulfur and eggs and her mouth tasted of the dead and she made the first tongue action, I mean, come on!

 

Sorry but that deserves a goddam!!

 

Not knowing how to tell him he wasnt inside

 

Something I posted on another site:

Roughly a couple years after being back I worked a short while in a house in Knoxville, and as was common everywhere the cops, attorneys, judges and so on were relatively common as customers, so you tend to get known. Anyway, the madam running the place had a bit of a bad coke habit, worse still she stupidly let some of the heavier dealers store their stock there.

So came the day that the narcs decided to do a raid, and what the hell while at it bust all the whores. Unfortunately for me at that moment I had a little party going on. Three UT boys (Go VOLS!) a little drunk and wanting a special price decided their best bet was to have at it all at once. Air tight and them doing their best, as you can imagine not used to sex around others they were taking a little too long and I was thinking about ending it.

Muffled noises out in the house, I figuring a couple of the gals fighting, next thing I know with a cock in my mouth, ass and cunnie the door is kicked open (why use the knob ) and in rush a patrolmen I knew and serviced, his rookie sidekick and a narc dick I didn't know. Guns drawn and ready for a fight, and wouldn't you know it the stupid college kids did just what they were told "freeze!"

The narc heads out and tells them to watch us (if he had stayed we'd of been in cuffs). The cop I knew just shook his head laughing at me saying "Nikki, nikki, nikki" and then told the wide eyed rookie who is still pointing his gun at us to watch us and don't let us leave. Okay so what, well, when I start trying to push the one guy out of my mouth so I can get up off the others suddenly the rookie with shaking hands jerks the gun at us and again shouts "freeze, don't move!" not having the sense God gave a billy-goat to just sit us down on the floor. So here I am impaled like a pig on a spit, shakey rookie cop not letting us stop, and three college kids just a little too drunk to use their heads and speak up...YET...drunk enough to not use any common sense.

I tell ya it was like a storm building. First the guy in my coochie started to squirm, that inspired the guy in my ass to start to ever so slightly push. Their moving me and me wanting them to stop soon had me being shoved into the guy in my mouth and before I'd choke I'd push back, and from there it just built. At first it was little motions, the cop would growl out "I said don't move", and as I would try to push away, pull off or pull back to get them to stop it only seemed to encourage them more. Worst of all, the guy with his cock in my mouth though not so afraid to move forward was clearly afraid to move back and out. That left me shouting around his cock to "get the fuck off me", yet only came out as "Mfpha cwafp fwa!"

What had taken these guys a half hour now suddenly I guess inspired by the adrenaline took all of two minutes. The little twitches and jerks building to modest strokes, and at the last they had totally lost control it all I could do to keep from being choked to death by the one in my mouth. Like clockwork, boom boom boom they all popped at about the same time roaring out their orgasms, and once they had slowed enough I just started pushing and shoving having had enough, scared cop or no, and wrenched every one of them out of me pissed off as a wet hen.

Jumping off the bed and standing cursing all of them, I look over to see the rookie still wide eyed, clutching his gun, yet looking at my bald twat and wouldn't you know it, with a raging hard-on to boot. Gah! I was so mad, and TOLD him I was going to clean up whether he liked it or not, and stormed into the bathroom attached to my room and locked the door......

Funny thing is, as I'm standing there cursing in the mirror suddenly I saw it behind me not having thought of it...and out of the window I went buck nekkid, across the roof, down the tree, through the neighbors yards to the next street, over the fence and up to U.S. 40 (the highway) where I about caused a pile up as the truckers locked their brakes to pick me up as I stood there naked with my thumb out.

Two weeks later I was working another house and wouldn't you know it.....The veteran cop who knew me walked in with the rookie. Guess who the rookies first flip was with?

Hush....an alias

 

I need to research a theory that narcotic drugs cause memories of dreams in the subconscious to overlap real life memories, becoming delusions.

Scout....an alien

 

I'm fucking my GF, we're in the backseat of a Vauxhall Nova (similar sort of thing to a Ford Fiesta), in a multi-story car park in Worcester. I come and when I withdraw, the condom has disintegrated, so my come ended up in the obvious place. I think I'd managed to tear it slightly with my fingernail when I was putting it on. It was not a safe time to fuck her bareback.

That was awkward, my GF finding she was pregnant was also awkward. Luckily that sorted itself out when she spontaneously aborted. I always suspected that was brought on my her suicide attempt, I think unrelated to the pregnancy, she'd tried an overdose of paracetamol (Tylenol).

 

Was parking one night with my lover a while back and a cop drove up. I'm riding him. Luckily the cop just shined his lights. But we assuming he would stop scrambled for our clothes. I couldn't find my panties nowhere!! Ended up pulling my shorts on without them. After he left we were gonna finish where we left off. But still puzzled about those panties. Lol After we finished we began to search again....looked everywhere!! Well i found them around my waist like a belt. I didn't even feel them there. And i have no clue how the hell they ended up there!!! Made for a good laugh though.

 

Was in a hot tub with 5 others. Me, my girlfriend, another couple, and my girlfriends sister and boyfriend. Her sister and I were good friends, and I hadn't told her I was with her sister yet. It was dark, bubbles bubbling, and my girlfriend and I lost her bikini bottoms. Well, her sister's boyfriend was the one who found them! The moron lifts them up and says "What are these?" Needless to say, my friend found out about her sister and I that night.

 

One of the first couple of times I was having sex with this girl I pulled out and came all over her chest, I was so horny without even thinking about it I started licking it all up like I always did with my ex. She was shocked and it was awkward trying to answer her "OMG what are you doing? question.

 

I was fuckin this girl at her house. During the sex her 2 year old woke up and began to cry (in a separate room). I stopped and got off of her for her to tend to him. When I rolled off she climbed on. With the kid crying, I felt so bad my cock went soft inside her.

 

I don't see how a guy could doze off after tying me up. Besides, I'd have been screaming bloody murder long before he could have left. Afterward wouldn't be awkward, it would have been dangerous. Idk, anything can happen, but I can't put myself there and believe he could have left me there by accident.

 

12 at night I thought everyone had long since gone to bed. I was in my room on my back with my girlfriend on top in a 69 when I hear my door open and close. A minute later I get a text from my dad to come downstairs and a text from my mom that "dad wants to talk." Yeah...

Oh and not an awkward "moment" per se, but my girlfriends neighbors seem to avoid her now and she seems certain that its because they've heard us during sex. Their own fault for moving into a duplex next to a college student in a fucking college town.

 

"I can't go anymore. I think you broke it." an ex-bf said that after he was hitting it pretty hard and we both moved at a bad angle. His cock went in at a bad angle. He tried to keep going but couldn't. it was extremely awkward. Hallmark does not make a "i'm sorry I broke your penis card." lol

 

Oh speaking of bad angles, another awkward one was an anal fail. Not really sure what happened, we were young and inexperienced just pounding away and it went in differently on one thrust. For me it felt like it caught on something then pushed passed it. For her it felt like being split in half. Crying ensued and we gave up on anal for a while.

 

Had a girl fart right on my face during an orgasm in the 69 position
Oh my god oh my god then a big fart

 

Oh god this just made me laugh so hard. I'm just sitting here reading the responses then i see this!!!! Lmfao epic fail in the romance department for her.

 

I was showering in the locker room and my coach came in and showered next to me. I saw him looking at me as he slowly got hard. Awkward

 

My mother finding my dildo in my drawer when I was 17 wasn't fun. She still thought I was a virgin. She had a 'good catholic girl's don't do that sort of thing' attitude.

Finding my little blue box of birth control pills a year later was worse.

Fucking a guy in the AM/PM unisex bathroom and then finding out my then boyfriend knew the cashier wasn't fun. I was pretty pissed of, tbh. I still can't believe I let a guy fuck me in one of those.

Of course, when you do anal sex, it's not uncommon the find nasty bits on his cock when he pulls out. That kind of freaked me out the first few times. An enema will help, but these things aren't always planned.

 

MY mom caught me making out with a girl on my bed. after that I had to leave my door open an no more sleepovers .